Browsing through reviews of the numerous luxury smartphones which have recently become available, you notice a certain word repeated often: INSANE. It seems there is no cap on the level of luxury and the corresponding price demanded for bespoke handsets, even though many of them offer less functionality than their conventional counterparts. Strong demand from abroad has meant that while UK retail sales figures have been in slight decline since 2008, the trade in luxury goods has remained consistent. If, like most of the populace, you have no idea what this means, but like shiny things nonetheless, check out this selection of luxury smartphones.

Motorola Aura Diamond Edition (£3,500) appx र 2,25,526

Released in early 2009, the handset represents an update to the already extravagant Aura, featuring 18-carat gold-plating and 34 round-cut diamonds.  While its appeal is in its eye-catching appearance, discerning users may be disappointed to find that the relatively low asking price means that the handset lacks GPS, 3G and Wi-fi connectivity.

Not for you? Why not consider buying 10,000 exercise books for school children in Africa (via UNICEF).

Vertu Constellation Quest (£17,300) appx र 11,14,121

While there are in fact two cheaper versions of the Constellation Quest available, you’re probably interested in the top-of-the-line yellow gold edition. Offering similar functionality to the Nokia E63 (Vertu was a subsidiary of the Finnish giants) the luxury elements consist of a built-in analogue clock and Vertu’s unique concierge function: accessed through a dedicated button, subscribers are put in touch with their own lifestyle manager, who’ll assist with the sort of day-to-day challenges that being disgustingly rich presents. And it’s gold, obviously.

You may equally be interested in a brand new, spacious Mercedes A-Class for the same money.

Sony Ericsson Black Diamond (£162,162) appx र 10,363,754

Dreamt up by Singaporean designer Jaren Goh, the ultra-modern Black Diamond wasn’t actually encrusted with diamonds, but seemingly attracted enough interest to reach the development phase nonetheless. The design is breathtaking, offering a borderless OLED screen, 4MP camera and…presumably other things (following initial hype, the buzz faltered, suggesting that the phone has been marketed exclusively to secretive super villains, or that it was just a big joke).

Not convinced? Why not hire the entire country of Lichtenstein for 4 nights?

Gresso Luxor Las Vegas Jackpot (£641,000) appx र 4,08,99,743

With keys made from individually polished sapphires, a back consisting of 200 year-old African blackwood and a pure gold chassis encrusted with black diamonds, this lavish handset is the epitome of super-luxury. With only two being made, the handset might actually appreciate in value, representing a sensible investment. Perhaps.

No? You may also be interested in acquiring a bloody house or two instead.

Stuart Hughes iPhone 4S Elite Gold (£6,000,000) appx र 38,28,36,916

The self-proclaimed “world’s most expensive phone”, this handset features, among other things, several hundred flawless diamonds. The broader package includes a solid platinum presentation chest set with polished pieces of genuine T-rex bone and even comes with spare diamonds, in case you’re the kind of person who’s prone to losing diamonds. Unlike other phones in this list, it also has features consistent with those you’d expect for a modern smartphone, which practically renders it a steal at £6 million.

You could alternatively, buy 600,000 regular smartphones, but what would be the point in that?